Phoebe's Fund PF2 7-22-18.mp3

Wednesday, August 8th


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Good morning everybody and welcome to the public file my name is -- Mott drew normally on the public file program if you listen to it we are Entercom Sacramento we have six stations when there's an important events aren't important organization we come together and we talked about important things and I'll six stations my guests this morning you might know him from the wake up call gallon Ferguson hello and his wife Stacy Ferguson hello and again Gammons on the wakeup call on the 1065 the end we are here today to talk about seabees fund and a very Coleman coming up called TVs flight yes and I know this is tough for you and I look that you have site yesterday and it was hard for me to look at what you went through so thank you for sharing your experiences yet again in the hopes of helping out other people who might be going through what you went through and of course leaves starlet talking about the B and what happened and my eastern TVs fund. I will let my wife talk about Phoebe. I'm now until you don't wanna share the story now know why can't a guy in. 2015. And Beebe issues back child. And we went up to her duty and everything's fine we had a totally fine pregnant the issue with. Completely healthy but six days pastor Judy we and in her routine doctor's. It and she did our eats at first I didn't know and by. After the doctored it and ethnic and a I'd. Or we'd fetal maternal hemorrhage. Where Phoebe. Terror and live it currently. One time payment. She passed away. Very quickly and spontaneously. In the weather from you waited. Just one of those things happen with injuries and four. On August 12 when he fifteen. And though coming up here August 12 when he eighteen. Where Hillary and her third birthday. EVY which is around raise money for the charity that we started with then called the eighties one minute. We'll probably get to that thing around so. Is so you via the unspeakable happened and I read on your website which is amazing. You go down. And knowing who has been known who has not been through this can even understand an imagined and oak avenue voice and a great writer and you really plan out there on the website what you went through. Well I ride and then Stacy proof read that because she is also grammar and astrology now so yeah. And you know we we put on the web site. BBC find out org there's they're the full story and we're word we have. Become so accustomed to telling the story that like we have different versions we've got a version where we can just get what happened out quickly and we've got. Another version where gives a little bit more of the clinical reason of what happened but the full they can deet tails. Are all on the website and it you know it's a long read but but. If you if you really want to understand. What people like us experience when they have a stillborn. I feel like it's a good representation of it Saddam it's of sudden stop. To something that you don't seek comments it is truly a blind side. You had a room decorated there was baby showers here have always loved the name Phoebe. She was. She was due it was it was beyond her due date and you were just waiting for your little baby girl to arrive literally we were late doing just like like Phoebe watched like him. Waiting around firm for heard of first days ago on the contraction and also listeners were excited waiting for Phoebe. Yep and Tom. What was that hospital I was Staten. Yeah and mom. In LA and it really is something that is that is. Well what after it happened. In our therapist. Talked to us about how old people like us skip PT SD. Which at first I was like lots. That's what happens to soldier who wore him like I asked. But it really does happen to somebody who has no emotional off ramp to deal with something like the loss of a child. When it just happens you you bomb you have a posttraumatic. Stress disorder where you can't. Stop replaying the event near hadn't. I'm going to that location is a trigger. You know my wife and I have. Gone on to have another child who loses a which is considered a rainbow baby and named the baby yes because it's the rainbow after a storm. And we had to go to this same. Hospitals at the same offices. You know cadets were ROB wise and that was that was difficult. You. Wakefield and the IE neatly at. From sleeping with your heart anything not related audits here. Partner on the option year marriage means that ran Asher and and that but they're just going. It yeah yeah dot com if you're just joining me my guests are Gavin and Stacey Ferguson who were talking about freebies on how. Soon are hot on. How long after. He beast passing did you seek counseling and I remember having lunch with the two of you and talking about how horribly wrong your first. Counseling adventure went oh my god he's fun community. And I think Stacy actually said it was a first time ironically that you actually laughed because this scenario so absurd yet. They're a really there really was itself the way the most insurance companies work is done. When it comes to therapy and seeking their B go on. To try to find who's in your network. And for us at the time I forget whose insurance we tried first. Either minor or hers. The insurance listed three therapists for the whole area. And they were all family therapist not like grief counselor yes it was like what you take your kids to if you're going through divorce man. And I could be wrong tools. What that Elliot we couldn't get into two of them yeah when and so how long it I think everybody heals and I you know that's the word but. When did you feel that you are radio talk to someone has I imagine Ian wanna talk to anybody at first maybe. Looks different for every righty right. Now. Mean with an. We within a month to see a therapist there was that I remember there was a time where on. We are real literally were like looking at each other armor like we we we need some professional help on this we we have to. We really have to seek somebody out who. But after it happened I wanted to talk to somebody immediately. Help me on. Kind of I I wanted like. I wanted to talk to somebody who had been through exactly this. To note that like this was survival survival bull bull moves forward had my share thank you go to the massacre saved by. SAC. And and I did you know and for the first state for Stacy it it almost hit her. Later than it hit me like when that happened there is that initial shock and then she kind of went into like. Like a self preservation and numbness. In now where she had a slower. Coming out of like an emotional coma. And I did ended June I kiss you you have not. An older son and there was in you sitting and looking fabulous come. And you had him to consider and thinking from the mom role in your in your dying inside and something's says I have to move I. There's this other wonderful person and I need to stay alive for agent you couldn't just stay in baton. As what I want until you had to get a he'd Connor and take care and and of course and I mean it was impossible totally the patents are. Completely hide either. Well I can he also knew he was having a sister and then had zero their sister didn't come home and finally did talk to him as well nervous and a whole family is affected not just a mommy and daddy Aaliyah and grandparents and everybody who's who. And it's and it's not just it's not just who is immediately affected by by something like this. It's also the ripple effect that it creates in. In a couple's life like we we find. Now almost three years later that Mike who we are still kind of like feeling reverberations. From babies loss. Where it's worth something you if you couldn't even perceive happening or something that you couldn't even in how lomb. Anticipate. Buckeyes. It's like warned that sucks and that wouldn't have happened to us if we didn't lose our daughter. In around. And you took your rage and anger and turned it into feed these fund its own kind of bouncing around but the first the counseling appointments or horribly wrong and not the tools he needed and and you personally or going okay we're not the only people going through this and other people are coming up against this financial disaster and these people want qualified to help. Correct and then we eventually. Did really lock out and we found somebody named Lindsay plumber who. Is incredible I mean she she is. She specialized thing in grief trauma and grief therapy. And she's great who I am so she kind of like introduced us but she was you know a lot out of she'll are you sure she was like okay out of pocket. But on. It made us think. That was really helpful to us so. If that was really helpful to us and we were blessed enough to be able to afford that what happens to the couples the king. You know like what do they do they just forgo. Therapy. And figure it out and around a staggered out on our panel now and and we know couples who have in our. And we and it and it made us think like all what is. What is something that we can do. To help. In a situation like that. So you put together you created Phoebe stunned and the main purpose of the beast find is to provide. Families who have lost a newborn or a who lost a child to still birth. With I'm with counseling tract which is just magical and isn't like ten sessions something like that. So there's no set session right now chunk of change it's it's just going to be yak and and couples once once Phoebe slight happens and we have enough money raised. Will be able to get the process going more couples can go to be beast on dot org. And apply so this is nil. The other yet this is just this is brand new 00 well that's awesome that's off some and I'll be able to apply. And then we'll have a we have a network of grief counselors. That of the you know of that specializing grief it's not like what we experienced these are people that like. That art therapist who's on whose board member and she she says these the people that I that I know that are really good at best they do what I do. And the all over the area CBO finds somebody hopefully that's that's fairly close TO. And then you can go. Select line tell us which one you're going with make an appointment. And we will pay the cost. So Phoebe slide is coming up and talk about that folks can get involved folks can do. Participate. You'll leave TV's third birthday and it's gonna be a celebration an observance. A lot of fun and funds raised yeah. Yet it's going to be at Johnson's preview park. In Rocklin yup and which is beautiful who have you ever been there I have and I look at some of the pictures yeah it's one of those places oh. Look rev lived. In this neighborhood for twenty something years of luck to you live right by my eleven Roseville I'll send five minutes to anywhere up. That's where I thought you didn't know was like right now here we are less it's it's it's near ash ash. Com and it's gonna be on August 12 as we've been saying it's gonna be in the morning. League starts at eight. Registration you show up at 630 registration goes until 730. And there're there're fourteen years on four registry I'm registering. On one is for kids who wind is fern adult without a shirt. Another is for an adult with a shirt and then another one is for an adult with a customizable shirt. And that local that I think is really cool so the front of the custom my publisher will say on. BB BBA's flight and then you wanna talk about what's on the back. Well on the back we wanted this not just be mean this isn't ED about helping people on similar situation. That we have and so we wanted to honor other babies have been in the can putt. The baby's name. That you're. And running for on the back. As well as they're am very good looks like runners bed. I love it on the back but it's not a drummer Lars bit it's part of the show it says here this is an event for celebration but also remembrance. We encourage you to personalize his experience perhaps are wearing custom my shirts are carrying pictures of babies you are honoring. We out we on so we did one Phoebe is flight before and when we did that. We did it just because we knew we it was within a year and we really wanted to just do something you know and we didn't obviously have the charity set up at that point but we raised money anyway. And we donated it to Sutter Roseville which is where Phoebe was born and who they took that money. And they improve on because we talked to the to the hospital. Could you abuse it donation and in the Ehrlich of course and wrote what would you do it then they're like oh we give it to the chaplain program. So. They built a prayer rock garden. Which is right by the maternity ward. And there's a plaque for Phoebe that's there and another another child and also up past is honored. In that area as well there's palm's bench is so they can have been sitting just. Be quiet flat you can have outdoor ceremonies if you want there's a fountain it's beautiful awesome and then they also op planet eleven tree because my wife and I that's kind of like our things like we had a little lemon theme and our wedding. Of course you did yes and there. And on and so there's a lemon tree that's down their tail. And it's. They also took the rest of the money. And made a meditation. Garden for the cancer ward and I think they even still have a little bit more money even left over still. From that which was two years to almost two years ago so. We did and it was a great event but we we had we just wanted to do something now we've got. A focus and we've got a purpose and it's not just about community and bring together. Families that have gone through something like that's. It is also about raising money for Phoebe he's fine but at that first one. It was a really great and I wasn't expecting it. To see people bringing signs and that had their baby's name on it pictures of their baby some people even had their own shirts made up. And seen whole family's extended families coming out. And avalanche a couple of you know it meant everything about it it did chokes me up there was one woman who came up to me. And gave me a hug and she said. That I've never been able to like really bring my child's picture out in public before. She's like it's an if he's never been seen by by people in a setting like this and she was like thank you for having like an event where people. Can come together who have been like this. Where you don't get weird it out by by seeing it save it yeah it's a safe place in Emery in more here. Because I know exactly how you felt. You know. Let me ask you about that sometimes when people are going to something whether it's cancer whether it's a loss of the child they wanna go through it alone because. And I'm doing air quote knowing can't possibly understand what I am going through right do you. EU is Stacy interview both of you you get comfort. Was a harder first to talk to other people who lost children because I know you have this entire network now is your strength there it is heiress of some comfort in the shared sadness that. Which you thought. Only two are going through people felt exactly the same pain. It was one of I mean in addition to therapy with one of them healing and to meet other people and I would say. The reason was because some people human happened to them you know. Years and years ago I mean you saw them. With kids that they had and laughing with their families having fun remembering your baby not forgetting I'm meeting. Loving their baby just that the nuts that day they had years and years before. But. Living again and when it first happens to you don't think you're ever gonna laugh think and function again let alone. Find enjoyment in life and cell lines. You know that your freshening and feeling you them. The aunt and you're there to support each other so that there is done there's attacks group that Stacy and I have and at one point. We had you known different. On couples in round that are that have gone through a loss that was very similar to its arts. And at one point. There was five of us. There were all pregnant at the same time with our rainbow babies and it's the best picture ever these big momma tummies I never held at the rainbow I'm getting goosebumps it's just. Yeah those 66 yeah I'll tell I had the idea of like because we have a a family friend who's a photographer. I talk turns Stacy did tune we said what if we did this you know what if we all got together all the moms pregnant and each of the moms wore different colors of the rainbow. And then on we had that's pitched this picture and then when the babies were born a we were we would get together again. And then dressed the babies in the scholars and we did it in the picture you know as has been seen all over the world to very viral picture of of hope. After child blocks and I thought that that's what it would have. Where were would kind of end but we still. Keep in touch with those girls I'm and it's it's been two years at this point. So over two years and bomb that feeling of leaning on each other for support. Really exists in our community and that's that's another reason why I love that we have TVs flight. Because. If you don't know to reach out to people like this or if you don't know tentative. Go to food group counseling her to help you room to grieve sessions. In the area this is an event where you can come and meet somebody who knows how you felt who knows exactly what that winds. And that is is really great feeling to know like I'm not alone. I'm not alone in this give the web site is for people confined about China and Phoebe is fun and about Phoebe slide please TVs fund is BBs spun dot org and of BBs flight dot com is where he can register they all kind of go to the same place and die if you're not near computer. You can text the word flight FL I GHT. 273389. And that text and data rates do apply and that will send you a link that you can pulled the website whenever you do have time. Gavin and Stacey Ferguson GAAP and of course from that one of six point five began in the wake up call you had you you didn't need to go as public as you did it with a loss of Phoebe I. I sent there and be three to my daughter who's in Spain at the time and the tears continued on the other side of the world anywhere you you tell them your platform that jagr public platform and you've you've done such such good with that so I commend you for something that was pretty hard to go through on a personal note and just and put out there to share with others. And I and we give all the credit to Phoebe by the well and I love how she be that we've got not a whole lot of time that. TV's around if he just got a new pool who has a first went in the pool it was it was a speedy bird with the black and white bird and US in front of this stake in that geo into the capital to fight for legislation and who was on a trillion cannot fit every single time I came out from one of those was when those greedy and and and different places right yeah. Wii's that we see here all the time and and they. It. Stacy read a quote want that said I know or running anti OK Tom that said that. A mother's natural instinct is to protect her child. And a grieving mother's instinct is to. Protect her child's memory. And by doing things like babies find in Phoebe is flight and fighting turf for legislation for her and and we feel her alive and that's that's. We wouldn't be doing anything like this if it wasn't firm so she definitely lives on she lives on in odds and she lives on and ends in this community and for every person who who helps Stacy and Kevin Ferguson thanks so much for coming in on the website one more time please many people who know not just feed these fund dot org. Freebies flight dot com which and Phoebe is spelled PH OEBE. We'll see you out of he B slight everybody thanks guys thank you.